When a nine‑year‑old misbehaves, cries, shouts, runs out of home without permission, fights at school and embarrasses the family, many parents in Kashmir feel only one language works: chappal and danda. “Beating will fix him.” It may create silence for a moment, but it plants a storm inside the child that can destroy his emotional, educational and economic future.
Who is responsible for a behaviour?
A child is not a criminal mastermind; he is a product of:
– Home environment and parenting
– School atmosphere and peer group
– Digital exposure (phones, TV, reels, games)
– His own temperament and emotional sensitivity
Parents and teachers are the primary shapers of behaviour at this age. The child must learn that wrong actions have consequences, but adults carry the bigger responsibility for how he reaches that point. Developed countries treat early behaviour problems as a family–school–society issue, not a “bad child” issue, and focus on counselling and structured discipline instead of harsh physical punishment.
Beating vs discipline: what really happens inside the child?
Beating can stop behaviour temporarily, but it usually creates:
Fear, not respect– the child obeys only to avoid pain, not because he understands right and wrong.
Lying– to escape beating, he learns to hide, cheat and blame others.
Anger and revenge– he stores hurt inside and later throws it on siblings, classmates or his own children.
Low self‑worth – he starts to believe “I am bad, I am a problem,” which can lead to depression or aggression.
Brain research from high‑income countries shows that repeated physical punishment increases stress hormones, affects attention, memory and emotional control, and is linked with poorer school performance and more behavioural issues in teenage years. Many developed states and countries have now legally restricted or banned corporal punishment at home and in schools because they see its long‑term damage.
Economic future: how beatings and chaos at home become lost income later
From an economic point of view, a child who grows up in fear, shouting and inconsistency is at higher risk of:
– Weak education – poor focus, low motivation, school refusal, dropping out earlier.
– Poor soft skills – difficulty working in teams, handling criticism, managing emotions in jobs or business.
– Risky coping – escaping into addiction, wrong company or crime as a teenager or young adult.
– Unstable work life – changing jobs frequently, conflict with employers, inability to stick to routines.
In rich countries and advanced states of India, the biggest driver of income is human capital – education plus emotional skills (discipline, patience, social skills). When a Kashmiri child’s emotional core is damaged by constant beatings and chaos, his human capital drops. That means:
– Lower lifetime earnings for him.
– Higher stress and financial dependence on the family.
– Lower contribution to the local economy compared with peers in more stable, supportive systems.
Even today, per‑person income in developed countries is many times higher than in Jammu & Kashmir partly because children there are more likely to grow up in systems that invest in early childhood health, education and emotional support, not fear and violence.
Why high education and good school are still “not working”
You described a child in a “high” school with strong teaching, yet he is:
– Not listening
– Shouting and crying
– Going out without informing
– Fighting and creating issues
– Strong, intelligent but using energy in the wrong way
This happens when:
The child experiences emotional confusion: love one moment, beating the next, no clear rules.
School and home send mixed messages: “Be good,” but adults themselves shout, insult or hit.
There is no steady routine for sleep, study, play and screen time.
The child gets attention mainly when he misbehaves, not when he behaves well.
High buildings and English‑medium labels cannot repair what is broken at the emotional level. Developed systems know that and now spend heavily on school counsellors, parent training and mental‑health support because they understand that behaviour is a skill to be taught, not beaten in or out.
Who must change now – and how?
Parents (first responsibility)
Stop thinking, “If I beat more, he will become better.” Replace beating with firm, consistent consequences (loss of privilege, extra responsibility, apology and repair).
Create clear rules: where he can go, when, how long; what language is allowed; when to study and when to sleep.
Be united: mother and father should agree on rules and support each other, not fight through the child.
Spend daily calm time with the child (talking, playing, reading, praying) so he feels loved, not only controlled.
School and teachers (shared responsibility)
Observe patterns and inform parents early instead of only complaining.
Avoid public shaming and name‑calling; focus on behaviour, not identity.
Involve school counsellors or psychologists where available.
The child (growing responsibility)
Needs to be taught that feelings are allowed, but all behaviours are not.
Must experience consistent consequences so he learns that choices have results.
Needs opportunities to succeed in small tasks (helping at home, school responsibilities) to rebuild self‑confidence.
Beating vs guidance: two different futures
If parents continue with beatings, shouting and emotional neglect:
The child may become more hard, sneaky and angry.
Teen years can bring serious trouble – fights, addiction, serious disobedience, maybe legal issues.
Educational and economic chances fall; he may never reach his full potential or match peers from more supportive systems in developed states or countries.
If parents shift to calm strength – clear rules, consistent consequences, emotional connection, and cooperation with school:
The same strong‑willed, intelligent child can become a leader, not a rebel.
His education and skills can translate into better jobs, stable income and contribution to Kashmir’s future.
The family breaks the cycle of anger and fear and builds a new cycle of respect and responsibility.
Big conclusion: The child is not the enemy; unhealthy patterns are
When a child at initial ‑year‑old becomes “badtameez,” society is quick to judge him. But the truth is deeper: he is a signal that something is wrong in the system around him – home, school, screens, and the way adults handle stress.
Beating may satisfy anger today, but it steals peace from tomorrow.
Discipline with dignity is harder in the short term, but it builds a stronger child, family and economy in the long term.
For Kashmir to have a powerful economic future, it needs not only land and jobs but emotionally healthy, disciplined children who grow into capable adults. That begins not in offices or assemblies, but inside homes, with parents who decide:
“From today, we will still be strict, but we will not be cruel. We will correct our child, but we will also correct ourselves.”
About the author:
Irshad Mushtaq is the founder of M I Securities, Munawar abad, Srinagar, and an AMFI‑registered mutual fund distributor (ARN‑47504) since 2004. He works as a personal finance columnist and financial educator, focusing on bringing simple, disciplined investing and market awareness to investors in Kashmir and beyond. He can be reached at [email protected], Contact No : 9906518342
