Kashmir’s New Slavery: When Wedding Loans Destroy Three Generations
In Kashmir today, many families are no longer controlled by culture or faith – they are controlled by society’s opinion and banks’ EMIs. The worst example of this slavery is the new disease of loan-funded, show-off marriages that are quietly destroying homes, health and the future of our children.
From Simple Nikah To Social Drama
Our elders remember a time when:
Nikah was simple.
Guests were limited.
Food was enough, not excessive.
Respect came from character, not decoration.
Now, in many places:
We are forced to compete – who has more dishes, bigger hall, brighter lighting.
People borrow money not to start business, but to book “royal” venues and designer stages.
The whole focus is: “Log kya kahenge?” – not “Can we afford this?” and “Will this hurt our children?”
This is not Kashmiri culture.
This is social addiction to drama.
The Loan That Enters As A Guest And Stays As A Master
Loan for business or education may create income.
Loan for one-day show creates life-long chains.
What is happening on ground:
Men take personal loans, gold loans, credit card loans just to “maintain status” in marriage.
Months of income are spent on wazwan, decoration, music, cameras – and nothing is left for school fees and emergencies.
Parents in their 40s and 50s, already under economic stress, are pushed into more debt only because “rishtedaar will talk”.
That one-day function ends.
But the EMI stays.
The stress stays.
The fights stay.
Hidden Sufferers: Children, Wives And Parents
Behind every “grand wedding” video on Instagram, there is often a silent story:
A child whose fee is pending because money went to the catering bill.
A husband who cannot sleep, counting loans instead of counting blessings.
A wife watching her husband break under pressure and feeling guilty or helpless.
Parents choosing between medicine and EMI, while guests still gossip about the food served months ago.
Debt taken for show-off is not just a financial issue. It becomes:
Depression
Anxiety and panic
High BP, heart problems
Domestic tension, arguments, even violence
A feeling of failure and shame, especially in men who feel they “could not provide”.
This is how one day of “respect” becomes years of silent crying.
When Women Say “No” To Drama, Families Are Saved
Society often blames men for loans, but:
Many times it is joint pressure: parents, relatives, sometimes even the bride or her family.
“Yeh kam se kam itna to karna hi hai”, “Unki beti ki shaadi mein 20 dishes thi”, “Log kya kahenge agar simple karein?”
Women – mothers, sisters, brides – have immense power to stop this.
Imagine if a bride clearly says:
“I don’t want my parents or in-laws to take loan for my marriage.”
“I choose simple nikah, not show-off.”
“I want peace in our home, not pressure on my husband’s heart.”
That one sentence can save:
Her husband from EMI slavery.
Her children from growing up inside stress.
Her own life from living under constant guilt.
A woman who protects her family from debt is more royal than any bride in designer lehenga with ten photographers.
Religion, Culture, Or Pure Ignorance?
No religion tells us to:
Take interest-based loans for decoration.
Waste food while neighbours struggle to buy basic rice and oil.
Compete in halls, lights and “entries” like a film set.
Our values say:
Simplicity is honour.
Waste is disliked.
Oppressing your own family (by drowning them in debt and stress) is a crime, even if it is done in the name of “tradition”.
A small, honest nikah with clean money is a thousand times more blessed than a massive function built on loans and lies.
The Psychological Cost: Where Are We Heading?
We are seeing:
More depression medicines in homes.
More young people saying, “I don’t want to marry, it’s too much pressure.”
More heart attacks at younger ages, triggered by financial and social stress.
More broken relationships where the first year of marriage starts with arguments about money.
If we continue like this:
We will have beautiful wedding albums and broken families.
We will have expensive photos and cheap relationships.
We will have loud music in the hall and no peace in the house.
Is this what we want to leave for our children?
What Society, Schools And Leaders Must Do
This is no longer a “private choice”; it is a social emergency.
Society:
Stop mocking simple marriages. Respect them.
Stop comparing functions like we compare mobile models.
Stop asking, “Kitne dishes thi?” and start asking, “Are they happy and stable?”
Schools and colleges:
Teach youth about financial literacy, good vs bad loans, and simple living.
Invite doctors and counsellors to talk about the mental health damage of financial stress.
Religious and community leaders:
Speak openly against loan-based extravagance in Friday sermons and nikah speeches.
Encourage community rules: limited guests, limited dishes, no show-off display.
Publicly appreciate families who choose simple, debt-free marriages.
Before You Take That Loan, Ask Yourself…
Is this loan for income (business, education, skill) or just for show?
Will this loan kill my children’s opportunities later?
If I die, will I leave my family asset or only EMIs?
Am I doing this because of faith and necessity, or only due to fear of society?
If the honest answer is “for show, because people will talk” – then you already know:
This loan is not dignity, it is self-destruction.
Conclusion: Say “No” To Loan-Based Marriages, Say “Yes” To Peace
Kashmir is going through a difficult period – economically, emotionally and socially. We cannot afford another self-created disaster.
We must decide:
That no rishta and no guest is more important than our children’s future.
That no hall and no stage is worth our parents’ health.
That no Instagram story is worth our lifelong debt.
True honour is not in how grand the wedding looked.
True honour is in:
A home without unnecessary loans.
A family where husband and wife sleep without EMI nightmares.
Children growing in security, not in the shadow of their parents’ stress.
The bravest Kashmiri today is not the one who throws the biggest wedding.
The bravest Kashmiri is the one who looks society in the eye and says:
“We will not take loans for show-off.
We choose a simple nikah, a peaceful home, and a secure future for our children.”
About the author:
Irshad Mushtaq is the founder of M I Securities, Munawar abad, Srinagar, and an AMFI‑registered mutual fund distributor (ARN‑47504) since 2004. He works as a personal finance columnist and financial educator, focusing on bringing simple, disciplined investing and market awareness to investors in Kashmir and beyond. He can be reached at [email protected], Contact No : 9906518342
